Those Phrases given by My Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger failure to communicate among men, who often internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."